Three weeks ago, a documentary I made called Porn: What’s The Harm was aired on the BBC.
The documentary was investigating whether it was healthy that children as young as 11 were now watching porn. Not just finding catalogues of tits in their big brother’s cupboard, but really explicit, extreme and hardcore video imagery.
What we found is that it appears the combination of natural childish curiosity, technology making the internet (and therefore porn) so very accessible, and society considering sex a subject too awkward to discuss with our youth… is turning into something of a disaster.
What worries me a little about this, is that Pornography is now becoming the next generation’s first introduction to sex. I don’t personally think that’s the healthiest sole port of call of what to expect in the bedroom. There is no real mention of trust, intimacy and vitally… protection. Consent is becoming a grey area, and people really seriously hurting one another is becoming common place. The fact that rape has such a popular platform within pornographic entertainment, is a pretty strong indication as to where the internet is taking us.
But more importantly, it is taking our children with it. I am well aware that when I see some very extreme things in pornography, it is indeed consensual, the actors are paid, it’s fantasy. But I’m 28. If I was 11, I wouldn’t be able to separate it from reality. Kid’s movies make the people blue, or winged or animated in order to illustrate the departure from what is real. The people they see in porn are just regular looking people. So how are they supposed to know what they are and aren’t expected to do/receive/like?
The way women are written about in porn titles is so degrading it makes me cry. Bitch, slut, whore. So many of the descriptions are different ways to hurt and punish women. Violent rape that is carelessly described sometimes in the title as “real rape video” where a young woman is violently assaulted by many many men, can be found literally all over the internet. (How do kids know whether this is real or fake?) The men have enormous genitalia. The women have to have tiny genitalia but enormous breasts. The men stay erect for extraordinary amounts of time. The women orgasm throughout. NOBODY HAS PUBIC HAIR so our genitalia looks like that of children… It’s a lot of pressure, and it’s a lot of nonsense to be left to a child to draw their own conclusions about.
We can’t realistically stop our kids from seeing it, as even if we block their personal access, there is always someone with a way around it. So we have to open up the conversation and explain that Porn is a bastardization of reality, and that you only ever have to do what feels right to you personally, and that consent is the biggest factor in sex. The documentary was to urge parents and schools to educate their children about what they are seeing and confronted by almost daily.
Teenagers responded to the documentary very positively. There was a clear urge for society to open up the conversation. They are young, they are intelligent, they want to learn. But my word, did we get the knickers of porn loving adults in a right twist!!!!!
Oh they were very defensive about porn, without realising we weren’t attacking the entire concept of porn, just children watching it and thinking it was real.
Due to time constraints, I imagine it was hard for the editors of the documentary to let me have a full say, in context. But three weeks later I am still getting such ignorant abuse from (predominantly) men who are scared I am attacking porn, that I want to have my say.
So if you care to read on, here is where I stand on pornography. Once and for all.
I am not anti all pornography. I am supportive of pornography that is safe, clearly consensual and a demonstration of all parties involved being satisfied and catered to. I think for those of us that like it, or want to learn about sex from it, or indeed… can’t necessarily always get access to actual Sex… that it’s a gift of sorts. It would be ignorant to deny all the people in the world who can’t be physically satisfied where and when they want, the access to something that can stimulate them.
HOWEVER! My support does not extend to extreme violence, and more importantly, rape. I don’t care what you say, or who finds it “hot”, male or female. It’s one of the worst things that can happen to a person, it is not entertainment. SO WHAT that it’s actors? So what that they are paid? It is not ok to use it purely as a form of arousal. That condones it somehow.
I do not understand how Child abuse imagery and Rape are separated in the fantasy stakes? So many people when I question the use of rape as pornographic entertainment, argue, saying that it’s not right to curtail people’s fantasies! But surely then you are curtailing the fantasy of someone who likes to watch sex with children? You all seem so keen to not judge… So…What if the child was paid, and not actually penetrated, and the parents consented. Would you be ok with that? Nobody gets hurt and you are being non judgemental about people’s fantasies. Or does that not sit well with you? Does it make you uncomfortable the idea of even acting out something so fucking heinous?
That’s how I feel about rape pornography. Have we lost our minds to think it is ok to show this as something to get off to? Is it ok to refer to women as sluts and bitches but never use derrogatory names for the men? Do we have to hurt women so much?
Do we always need to “punish the pussy”? Can we not just be “nice to the pussy” for a change?
Why is porn so angry with women?
So much of what I have found in the past few months has displayed what I can only describe as a cemetery of women’s rights.
I am sad that it’s hard to find porn that cherishes both people. I am sad that kissing in porn is a privilege and not a right. I am sad that the more degrading to women porn is, the more hits it receives. I am sad to think of what sex means to the next generation and that I don’t feel like the children I have one day, the girls especially, will be safe in the bedroom. Or the street even.
I like sex. I don’t know if that’s what Porn really is any more.